I’ve been wanting to write and vent about this, but I have been so confused as to what’s going I don’t know how to organize the words. My uncle may have fallen and hit his head, he may have drank himself into the hospital, he may have gotten into a fight and was hit upside the head…Nobody knows because he’s the only one to talk to. Grandma is so stressed and worried over him, making claims that if he doesn’t sound better soon that she’s driving all the way up to TN. The aunt hasn’t called in a few days. Only he. We don’t know how long he’s been in there, or when/if he’ll get out. He talks like he’s still on the road back when he was a trucker, stating one moment that he’s in Arkansas, the next Georgia, that he bought a camper, he’s on a train, he’s outside waiting to go home, he’s driving himself to a tavern, and when I talked to him he said he can’t wait to finish therapy on his knee (an injury he was in the hospital for long ago) so that he can play with his trains…he’s so confused and disoriented, and grandma’s memory is so bad that the conversations between them are a never ending loop of WTF? I managed to figure out where he is (a nursing home) and the phone number and got it to mom, she called and all the nurse could tell her is that he’s there and he’s fine…but he’s not, there’s something very wrong. When she told grandma that she had talked to the nurse and that she’s not on the list to talk to anyone, grandma turned it around saying that she had called..mom was like “Um, no I did…” When grandma is asked how my uncle is doing she’ll turn to me and ask “Did I talk to him today?” Me-“Yes grandma, you talked to him this morning” Grandma- “Oh yes, he said he’s getting out of the hospital today.” even though he’s no longer in the hospital, he’s in a nursing home. I don’t know, maybe he did say that in his own confusion. Grandma’s Alzheimer’s is setting in and it really adds on to everyone’s confusion. I’m worried over him of course, but at the same time I can’t help but feel resentful because I’m almost certain he’s done this to himself through alcohol in some way. That’s not fair of me to hold onto though. What worries me most is Grandma. Stress and her heart condition is not a good combination. She actually walks into my room to tell me about every conversation with him (she never comes in my room), she’s been trying to call my cousin Mike who lives up there to go find something out (she NEVER calls anyone, even worse than me about phones), her threats of driving up there on her own are getting more real and I’m considering stealing her car keys (keep in mind she hasn’t driven in a year, and is recommended by her Dr that she doesn’t considering her dizzy spells and the amount of medication she takes). I wonder if things don’t change, since mom works throughout the week, if I’d have to assume the responsibility of a road trip myself. But would it be for naught? Nobody but the aunt is on the list to be able to talk to him, so would it be the same for visitors? Would driving all the way up there make any difference? I don’t think it would. At best we’d get some clarity, but we could not do anything to help him. Then there’s the looming possibility that if he gets out of the home that the aunt couldn’t take care of him on her own so would they move down here? Would they still drink themselves stupid if they did? Would I relive those 6months from hell all over again? I want to say “Fuck that noise, I’m moving out!” but that’s leaving 3 people in a house whom can’t take care of themselves. My family. The same reason why I didn’t up and leave over those 6mo’s, grandma. I take care of her. She’s my responsibility, I could never abandon her like that.
Perhaps i’m being dramatic, jumping to conclusions will only make me just as stressed. It’s out of my hands and I can’t help what’s already happened. I just want to ease grandma’s mind, so I’ll make up excuses: “He’s just hyped up on pain killers, he’s fine, he’s being taken care of, cousin Mike will check on him, We’ll get this sorted out soon. It’ll be ok.” and then sadly hope that her memory issues help her in that she might forget how out of it he has been these past two weeks so she won’t worry as much. How fucked up is that? I once wished on stars, now I wish on dementia.